Career, Family, and Spotts

A wee little bit of background (and a plug):

A few weeks ago, a friend recommended a blog to me. Now, I've never really followed more than one thing at a time. And I set that main thing as my home page (which is CNN right now, so I'm trying to follow that before hitting the "Facebook"bookmark). But, this blog is different. Ally Spotts (allyspotts.com) is a twenty-something writer and teacher who blogs about life, relationships, singleness, running (yeah, I don't do that part), and her experience with the "Quarter-Life Crisis." There are so many things I love about her blog: how she writes (she has a bachelor's degree in writing), how she presents her information (she is honest and not "fluffy" or superficial), and the perspective she brings (she is old enough to have more experience than my circles, she just got engaged, and her applications are those of a Christian while not being overtly religious). I may not follow it regularly, but it was the first thing I added to my RSS feed, and I am sure to at least skim ALL of her posts. In late Semptember, Ally blogged about the "Career v. Relationship" dilemma society places on women. In fact, she had a guest blogger contribute "The Lies I Tell My Single Self" the next day. This guest laid bare her three excuses for not dating (simplified): "I don't have anything to offer," "I don't want to bring anyone into this mess," and "I want to figure myself out first." It made me think about my life, so here we are.

The point:

Life does not go as planned. We know this. Most plans to marry by 25, start a family a few years later, and make partner at the firm by 30 don't pan out just the way you thought they would. Goals are important, but planning life's every detail doesn't make the adventure of life very adventuresome. In fact, it makes the changes in life earth-shattering. When you don't get into the college you've dreamed of attending for a decade. When you don't get the dream job right out of college.

When you suddenly realize something new might be better than you could ever have planned, a new major, career path, relationship, or singlessness, it can be freeing. And experiencing a little bit of this freedom can tempt carelessness. A lack of planning. A lack of vision. No drive. "Freedom from" can be over-applied.

If (when?) I get married, life's decisions will be different than they are now. Financial obligations will change. Visions of where to live will be different. The decision to accept a job offer will be more complicated. All of these will involve a whole separate person's opinions. And this is not something my million-option mind can process in advance. So this part of life's plans have to stay loose. I don't even have a choice in that one. While I can hope, I cannot bank on being married by 25, 27, 29. I cannot stop making plans now on the assumption that I will someday have to change that plan, because I just don't know. And yet, I need some sort of a plan so I don't have a lack of vision. So I am not considered a rambler with no drive.

So I plan: law school after my undergrad, during which time I will spoil my niece as she goes through the infant-toddler stage. Kick butt in law school. Graduate with a job offer. Kick butt as a lawyer. Eventually work with mainly or solely discrimination cases. Kick some major hateful-butt at that. Maybe argue a case in front of the Supreme Court someday, but that's just a crazy dream. Throw in marriage and kids somewhere, maybe.

The fact that I'm planning has caused some friends to say I'm "career-oriented" instead of "family-oriented," but I say I have a plan that I like. I have a map, a drive, a destination in mind. Yet life is a road trip, and I'm open to taking a day here and there in new cities. Enjoying the sights. Meeting the locals. And until I have to decide which sight to see in which city or which local (read: "stranger") to talk to, this all sounds great. But it's scary. If I'm not petrified when I actually have to make these choices, I just might get addicted to the freedom.

And I wonder: what if I get so caught up in the distractions that I never make it to my destination? Will I look back and say "I wish I could have loved Person X, worked at Firm X, fought for Cause X"? What if I really am rationalizing "I don't have anything to offer," "I'm a mess," and "I need to figure me out"? How can we ever know if we're on a lazy, crazy, or perfect path?