I am going to be an aunt for the first time this summer, and I am going to be out of town for the first month of her life. I was going to go home and visit a few weeks after she is born, but finances just did not work out. At first, I was hurt. I not only felt like I was missing a part of her life (and the lives of my brother and sister-in-law), but I felt like I was missing an important event in my life. I wanted to be there to welcome them home, to hold the baby, to see her for the first time. I wanted to support my family, to celebrate with them. I only go from not an aunt to being an aunt once in my life, and I didn't want to miss it.
Yesterday was Memorial Day, and I went to the National Memorial Day Concert on Capitol Hill. It was a beautiful concert with famous performers like B.B. King and Kris Allen performing. The national orchestra was fabulous, and the whole experience was televised to the nation. During the concert, the did short features on servicemen and women. Sometimes the stories were about a death, sometimes a story was about a lost limb. One story was about a man who was going home to meet his daughter for the first time, and she was months if not years old. Here I was, excited to be in the nation's capitol and yet upset at missing the first month of my niece's life when American men are leaving pregnant wives and girlfriends and missing the delivery room. The hospital pictures. The ride home. How often do we put ourselves first.
Even when we don't think we are being selfish, I suggest that we are. I wanted to support my family and show the love I already have for Clara, and there is nothing wrong with that. At the same time, however, I forgot about the women who gave birth without their husbands. I forgot about the sons and daughters whose fathers miss their first steps, maybe even their first words. The Buddhists believe that attachment leads to suffering. That desire for things causes us to be disappointed and to have pain. While I do not believe that complete detachment is in my future, I think there is some truth in what they are saying. Can we be so attached to our loved ones that we do not transfer that emotion and understanding? We do not empathize. It is not that we are cold-hearted, but rather that we simply do not realize.
I think that is a bigger problem than cold-hearted-ness. In today's American society, the problem is not that anyone wants people to starve. The problem is that we are so worried about our family, our friends, our loved ones, going the least bit hungry that we forget to see the forest for the trees. We forget that other mothers, sons, sisters, uncles and grandmas need food too. They need to see a doctor. They need new glasses, school supplies, and diapers. This is not a demand that government step in, because isn't government a way to force people to act a certain way? No. This is a desire that individual people would open their hearts and love the person they don't know like they would love their sister.
